Relationships are the New Rocket Science

How to Get a Guy Interested

Ladies, if you’ve been wondering what you can do to get and keep a man interested in you, let me just tell you that I understand your pain.  Coming up with a clear answer is extremely difficult. To start with, let’s discuss a few things to avoid when you initially meet a guy.

Things to Avoid on the First Date

First of all, avoid coming off desperate by any means necessary. There is nothing more off putting than a girl who starts telling you how lonely she is 5 minutes into a date. Typically, nobody really likes being on their own so there is no reason to start off a date detailing all that you miss about being in relationship.We don’t care that you miss cuddling or having someone to depend on. Not only are most guys going to ignore you because they don’t care, but they’re also going to be suspicious that any future dates you agree to are happening simply because you’re desperate for a relationship and not actually into him.

Another issue that I’ve had in the past is the over aggressive girl. Yes, going after a guy and offering up your goods right away will get him interested. But that interest won’t extend beyond that night, and if it does, the interest definitely won’t be in “you”. Rather, he’ll only ever view you for what you have to offer between your legs and totally dismiss you as potential relationship material no matter how much you might have otherwise had in common. Every once in awhile you might come across a guy who won’t actually take you up on the sexin’ you’re offering no matter how hot are. Even if he was interested in you to begin with, the fact that you offered up your strawberry shortcake faster than Usain Bolt runs the 100 Meters could be enough to cause him to head for the hills. If you offer it up to him in world record time, he’s probably wondering how many other guys you’re doing the same thing with. I’m not saying you need to wait until marriage to have sex, but don’t throw yourself at him on day one either. A good guy isn’t going to want or expect to bed you the first night he is with you. Yes, plenty of guys will have sex with you right away, but if it’s a relationship you’re after, remember what they said on a Dr. Dre album about a decade ago,  “You can’t make a hoe a housewife”. I’ll admit that sounds a bit harsh, but a guy looking for a relationship doesn’t want a girl throwing herself at him 4 minutes after you’ve just said hello.

The next rule works for both men and women. Never discuss your ex in the very beginning stages of getting to know someone. It doesn’t matter if your ex was the worst guy/girl on planet earth or someone you still really respect; the only thing you want to concentrate on during the getting to know you stage is just that….letting them get to know you, and you getting to know them. Don’t waste time allowing the guy a chance to learn about you, only to teach him all about your ex. Believe me, he doesn’t care!

One of the last big issues I’m going to discuss is to avoid over negativity. Granted, nobody expects you to like every thing, but I can tell you from experience it’s very hard to participate in conversation when a girl is constantly putting down or critiquing every topic I’m trying to bring up. After hearing that you hate/are annoyed by/can’t stand whatever it is I’m trying to talk about over and over again, I’m going to stop trying to talk because I’ll view it as a lost cause. It’s fine if you’re bothered by a lot of different things, but try to bring them up over time. The first date shouldn’t be a PowerPoint presentation detailing all of things you hate, bullet by bullet.

How to Get a Guy Interested

Now that we’ve discussed a few things you want to avoid, let’s talk about some of things you can do that will help gain your dates interest. Guys, you might as well pay attention here as this rule apply to everyone.  Smile! I know sometimes it’s hard to bust out the pearly whites when you’re feeling nervous, but a little smile can do nothing but help you out. Not only will smiling help set your nerves at ease, but the person on the receiving end of your smile will feel like you’re welcoming them in to your world a little. If you’re both comfortable, conversation will happen much easier, and the date will have a better chance for success.

Another thing you can do to gain your dates interest is to listen and participate in the conversation without dominating. Shy people, I feel your pain. One of two things typically happens when your shyness takes over. The first is simply you sitting there like a decoration and not doing or saying anything. Obviously, that’s no fun for anyone involved. If someone agreed to go on a date with you, remember that they are there because they want to get to know you. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and showoff your good qualities a little bit.  The second thing that can happen, and one that has happened to me a time or two, is the nervous jabbering. If you feel yourself rambling on much longer than you normally would, take a deep breath and slow down. Maybe ask your date a question so that you can take a second to listen to their answer. No matter what, don’t plan your sentences out in advance. Make sure you are present in the conversation and do your best to let the conversation develop naturally.

Touch your date. If you’re into them, physical contact is a great way to let them know. I’ve always liked it when a girl takes the opportunity to touch me while she is laughing at one of my legendarily funny jokes. It’s like a double win. Not only does she get my sense of humor, but she also touched me and touching is awesome! It doesn’t have to be overly sexual touching. A little hand to the forearm or just “accidentally” brushing your hand along his will more than do the trick.

Overall, just be yourself. It’s way beyond cliche to say something like that, but it’s cliche because it’s true. If there is ever a time to be yourself, it’s when you’re dating. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by acting like someone you aren’t or being so shy your date can’t get a feel for what type of person you are. Be confident, smile, and have fun. If you do those small things, maybe every date won’t turn into the long term relationship you’re after, but you’re giving yourself the best chance to show your date who you really are.

Was it a Successful Date?

Let’s assume that the guy you were out with is shy or playing hard to get and isn’t giving you any verbal hints how he feels one way or the other. How can you tell if they date went well? Did he hold eye contact? Did you notice him trying to edge his way closer to you physically? Was he participating in the conversation equally? Was he laughing? If the two of you spent a great deal of the night laughing together my guess is that he had a good time. Every guy wants a funny girl he can laugh with. If you noticed he spent more time checking facebook on his phone (guy or girl, never do this!), texting, or looking up at the TV every 5 seconds to see who was winning the game he probably wasn’t as into the date as you were.

But you’re a great girl and any guy would be lucky to date you. Why would a guy not want a second date? You’ve established that the date went well and that you want to see each other again. In fact, it went so well you want to end the night with a kiss. How can you let a guy know that you’re open to kiss? I’ve experienced a few different “moves” girls have done to hint they were ready for a kiss. Some girls have waited until I made another one of my great jokes and while we were laughing they’ve grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards them a bit or just let their face naturally come towards mine. I think it’s easy for a guy to figure out what you want once your face is a mere few inches away from theirs. Other girls have simply locked eyes with me. That can be extremely awkward but is one of the easier ways to get the message across. If a guy is nervous about making a move and you give him one of those dead serious stares that go straight through to his soul it can be intimidating. Make eye contact, but give a little smile to lighten the situation up a bit. Another opportunity you can use to give the guy a hint is right after you hug. Instead of separating and going to your separate corners, hang in his personal space a little longer and make eye contact while you’re there. He should be able to figure out what you’re hanging around for. Lastly, if all else fails make the move yourself. There is no shame in a girl making the first move. When I like a girl but I’m having trouble getting my courage up, a little aggression from the girl letting me know exactly what they want can come as a huge stress reliever. It doesn’t happen very often, but I can tell you that one of the better kisses I’ve had in my life came when a girl made their move on me. The fact that they wanted to kiss me bad enough to forgo traditional dating rules and make the first move was a turn on and made me enjoy the kiss that much more.


A Letter from The Relationship Scientists

“All is fair in love and war.” – Euphues (1578)

It is a quote that is often brought up, but rarely justified with an answer as to why. When it gets down to it, the correlation between love and war is passion. When someone is passionate about something, rules do not apply. Emotions are the deciding factor in matters of the heart. Laws and logic are often thrown out the window when put up against our emotions. Learning to look to logic in relationships is like learning to eat broccoli before dessert. It is the best thing for you, but sometimes you just want ice cream first. Sometimes we just desire what we shouldn’t. Indulgence is great when you can pull away from it and keep a level head more often than not. When you find your head in the clouds more often than seeing a clear picture of what is happening, it is just a matter of time before your dream land bubble will pop and reality will leave you confused and bruised.

We aren’t trying to reinvent the wheel. As my Co-Writer put it, “We aren’t pros, just two people that have been through some stuff.” This blog isn’t to bash one sex or the other. It probably won’t hold the answer that will help you magically get out of the dog house after making an enormous mistake in a relationship. Most likely, after reading this, relationships will still be a great deal of work. This is simply to discuss and share some ideas and epiphanies to help us all learn to relax about relationships and how to deal with issues more effectively. Maybe we can even get another perspective or maybe some clarity about why people do what they do when they are in a relationship; A translation of what the opposite sex may or may not be saying.

Feel free to share experiences, vent, and ask questions. We can’t guarantee a perfect answer or explanation, but we sure as hell will try to at least point you in the right direction. Our staff consists of both male and female writers with priceless experiences, that are more than interested in dissecting relationships and figuring what makes them work and why (for our own selfish desires and to help you as well). We intend on making some serious progress on bridging the gap between Mars and Venus… Without a rocket.

Live and Love Often,

The Relationship Scientists